I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there’s no fucking way paper can beat rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can’t paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can’t paper do this to people? Why isn’t notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I’ll tell you why: because paper can’t beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds.

Rock, paper, scissors